ABRSM Music Exams - Campion School - British school in Athens, Greece - Campion International School, Athens Greece

 

When I tell people I’m an agent for classical musicians they ask ‘Do you play an instrument?’

I don’t play an instrument unless you count violin to Grade 1. I can’t even read music although I fancy I can follow a score of straightforward stuff such as Mozart or something conveniently composed in huge blocks such as the Rite of Spring.

No, not only do I not play an instrument but I am yet to be convinced there is any link between playing an instrument and being musical or even liking music. You can meet unmusical people in every orchestra. I’m tempted to say that’s one of the reasons they need a conductor.

There is an old Russian joke about the young conductor who is invited to conduct a provincial orchestra early in his career. He comes to the first rehearsal and things seem to be going well except for the look of utter disdain on the face of the leader. At the next rehearsal, the leader’s face is fixed in a pronounced grimace. The conductor is tormented and doesn’t sleep all night. The next morning he decides to confront the man and says he couldn’t help noticing he seemed dissatisfied and asked him what he was doing wrong. The leader says, Oh, don’t worry about that, maestro you’re doing fine. It’s just that from my earliest childhood I have hated music.

I on the other hand have loved music from my earliest childhood. I am no doubt a dilettante but I like to think of myself rather as an average member of the audience. This is not as self-deprecating as it sounds. Experience has taught me that there is a hierarchy of musicality among those who inhabit the (classical) music world.

Here they are in order of musicality:

1. Composers. Definitely the most musical people I have encountered

2. Conductors. There are un-musical conductors but in general, they are more musical than

3. Instrumentalists.

4. The average member of the audience is next.

5. Singers. There are exceptions but too many singers only sing because there is nothing else they can do.

6. Academics and teachers. Again, plenty of exceptions but too many of these don’t see the wood for the trees.

7. Critics. Their doom was finally sealed for me when they gave unanimous bad reviews to Carlos Kleiber’s LSO concert at the Festival Hall, London.

8. Agents. With honorable exceptions. their lack of knowledge is amazing.


 

 

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